Carried to the table...

today i was reading from 2 samuel chapter 9. this particular chapter talks about david's kindness to a man who was broken. the man's name was mephibosheth. (and i thought matt liked some strange names!!) mephibosheth was the son of david's best friend jonathan. at this point in history jonathan was dead...and so was jonathan's father, saul, who wasn't too fond of david. okay...so david was hanging out at the palace and started wondering whether any of saul's family was still alive. see, david promised jonathan that he would be kind to his family. so david caught up with one of the servants who had been saul's servant. this guy, ziba, said that jonathan had one son living, and that he was disabled. david sent for jonathan's son...enter mephibosheth. when mephibosheth came to david, he bowed to him in fear and said, "i am your servant." but david said, "don't be afraid! i've asked you to come so that i can be kind to you because of my vow to your father, jonathan." David not only was kind-hearted to mephibosheth, but he also gave him all the land that once belonged to saul. then he invited mephibosheth to come live in the palace with him! Mephibosheth fell on the ground before david. "Should the king show kindness to a dead dog like me?" he asked. the end of the chapter tells us that from that point on mephibosheth ate regularly with david, and david treated him as his own son.

as i read that, i became overwhelmed with the love that God has for me...for all of us. i mean, i'm nothing... i am just a poor, lame girl...a dead dog. but one day, God called my name. he asked for me..."is alicia still alive because i want her with me...i want to invite her to my table...i want to treat her like she were my own." and though i was broken and worthless to everyone else, he showed me favor and carried me to his table. he seated me where i don't belong. thank you, Lord, for inviting me. thank you for seeing past all of my brokenness. thank you for being faithful to the promise that you made when you sent your son, Jesus Christ to save me. thank you for not throwing me out when you see how imperfect i am. thank you. thank you. thank you. i can never say it enough. you are my king.

"Carried to the Table" (Leeland)

Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master’s courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord
I’m carried to the table
The table of the Lord

Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I’m healed and unashamed

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don't belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by his love
And I don't see my brokenness anymore
When I'm seated at the table of the Lord
Carried to the table
The table of the Lord

"I Will Rescue You" (Plus One)

When your days are dark
And your nights are cold
When you've just about lost all your faith
When your will is gone
And your heart is torn
Cause nothing is going your way
When the world has got you trapped
And you can't find that open door
If you're ever in a battle
And you just can't fight no more

I will rescue you
I will rescue you
I will shelter you from the rain
I will dry your tears
Cast away your fears
And bring you to brighter days
Whenever you're lost and confused
Like a fairy tale come true
I will rescue you

If you ever feel
That you can't go on
When your life just becomes too hard
And the dreams you thought
Were within your reach
Suddenly seem so far
When the world is on your case
And you don't have a place to run
If the storm keeps getting stronger
And you cannot see the sun

I will rescue you
I will rescue you
I will shelter you from the rain
I will dry your tears
Cast away your fears
And bring you to brighter days
Whenever you're lost and confused
Like a fairytale come true
I will rescue you

And it don't matter where you are
I'll be by your side
I'll be the rock that you can lean on
I'll be your guide

Man...tonight my heart is heavy, and I was drawn back to the blog. I know, I know...I haven't posted for over a month. Anyway, here I am sitting on my couch thinking. I'm thinking about how sometimes things don't turn out like we planned... how sometimes life creeps up and bites us and we don't know why, but we still have to deal. What a strange week this has been... I know I don't make much sense. Anyway, this song popped into my head and I thought I would share it. Maybe someone reading will understand

P.S. You know who you are, and you know how much I love you!!! You'll always be my family. And I will always be there to hold your hand!

lately i have been plagued by a certain thought. it keeps reoccurring in my mind. i ignored it at first, but it continued to knock steadily at my conscience. i know it sounds cheesy, but it first occurred to me as i was listening to brad paisley. maybe you have heard it...it is his song called, "letter to me." in the song he is speaking to a younger version of himself. he tells himself to take time and treasure certain moments... after listening to it, i thought about what i would say to a younger me... but then i was distracted by another thought and didn't breathe life into a letter of my own.
this past weekend we were at the women of faith conference and one of the brilliant women shocked the thought back into existence. she spoke of a letter that she had written to herself, and as she shared her heart with each of us, i sat quietly in my seat as i, too, dreamed up what i would write to myself...but i never wrote.
tonight, as matt and i were coming back to town from a night with his fam, our conversation was filled with talk of how we would do some things differently in our lives thus far. the thought of this letter to myself again loomed in my mind. as we sat in the car sharing sweet conversation, i vowed that i was going to write down the things that had continued to tap me on the shoulder of my mind. so that is what this post is all about.

hey eesh...

it's me, or you...umm...i know that sounds weird and all, but keep reading. in the end i hope to make sense of this. first, i want to say that your life isn't always going to be easy. sometimes it sucks, but don't you dare give up because you get some amazing treasures along the way.
let's start from the beginning i guess... mom and dad's divorce...it happens, but don't worry. because of that you get to know your dad. in fact, you two have a really great relationship because of it. learn from him. he has a heart of gold.
as for your momma. you learn so much from her. and it turns out that momma's make the best friends. always tell her you "love her more..." you two never grow out of that game.
and as for mandy... you two don't always get along. to be completely honest, you rarely get along, but treasure her. shortly after you graduate from high school she moves away and you don't get to see her much. you may be surprised to hear it, but you miss her...a lot. so be careful about what you say to her. you two exchange many hateful things in the midst of anger, but they cut deep on both parts, and they are wounds that take much time to heal. don't forget to tell her you love her. for some reason you struggle with that. be prepared, you start to miss her. don't worry though, she marries an amazing man and has two of the most beautiful little girls you've ever seen! (and you make a smokin' hot aunt!)
remember that family is so important. don't forget to hug your grandma ann. play another round of cards. someday the cards won't be there anymore...and your grandpa raymond... always ask him to tell you another story. you never get too old to hear one of his stories. memorize each word and hold it dearly in your heart.
try not to stress too much in middle school...there is so much more beyond it! don't ever let anyone tell you that you aren't good enough, or pretty enough, or smart enough. believe in yourself. never let a boy rule your world. broken hearts will heal, and better things will come. don't kiss too many frogs...the one you want is already a prince. it just takes you a while to recognize it. but when you do, oh girl, it's good! hold onto him...he'll be your warrior...your hero.
speaking of hero... there will be a time when you'll doubt God. things will look bad...real bad, but He's there, and He's carrying you the whole time. Don't stop searching the Word for truth. it hits you like a ton of bricks! remember that when people forsake you, God is there... don't live to please people... their rules and opinions are fleeting, but God's grace is infinite. don't forget that.
and when your life seems like it is a mess, run to God. He is such an amazing Father who has never left you. He knew you before you knew yourself...don't try to figure it out alone. just fall apart in front of him. He knows how to put you back together. And He does... time and time again.
Love with passion. Laugh with gusto. Sing with joy in your heart. And LIVE your life without fear. "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7)

as brad paisley (i know you don't know who that is, but you'll like him later on...) says, "i'll see you in the mirror."

on your way to beautiful,

you

well...here i am. exposed in the bloggers' world. this may or may not affect anyone other than myself, and that's okay. i'm here...
as i sit here alone in front of this computer screen, i am thinking about how life-changing this past weekend was for me. i got a chance to go to women of faith with melissa, kayla, and heather...and it was amazing! i only wish i could bottle up the incredibly intimate moments that i shared with my God and give them to everyone i could. i was in desperate need of this weekend. as i look back, i realize the slow fade into which i had fallen. the passionate flame which once raged like an inferno in my heart had dicipated to nearly nothing over a time. this weekend kindled the fire...and for that i am very thankful.
to the amazing women who keep women of faith alive: i thank you. you are all beautiful, and God uses each of you in a captivating way that changes lives.
i don't want this to be one of those "camp highs" that people always have when they come back from church camp in their adolescent years. it is worth too much to me to just let it fade away.
tonight i was driving back to town from my dad's. i was listening to natalie grant (whom i also met at women of faith...she is amazing!!!), and one of my favorite songs came on. the chorus says, "i will stumble. i will fall down, but i will not be moved. i will make mistakes. i will face heartache, but i will not be moved. on Christ the solid rock i stand, all other ground is sinking sand. i will not be moved." it was a great moment in my car singing along with her...knowing that i'm going to struggle. i may fall, but the hand that i hold is holding onto me tighter that i can imagine, and HE is never going to let me go. i have a hard time wrapping my mind around why my Father would ever want me. i am such a mess...yet HE is molding me. HE sees me for what i can be (thank goodness!) and not what i am. HE sees me as beautiful...even when i'm still just on my way.